I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
