Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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