why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
