He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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