i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
