Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
