I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Drake has all the answers
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
