Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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