ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
