AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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