Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
