I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
