I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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