You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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