saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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