My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
