do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
