Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
