I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
