I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
