I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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