you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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