Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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