So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
