idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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