Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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