I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
