im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
