so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
