It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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