I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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