My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
