Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
