dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
