Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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