Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
