Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
