i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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