I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
