No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
