The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
