you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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