Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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