I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
