What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
