I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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