how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
