talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
