So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
