we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
